Reach Out and Touch Someone

"No, you'd save your phone.  And only after you texted everyone about the fire would you then realize you didn't have any clothes on and would rush back in."

I hated to admit it but he was right.  My phone.  My email.  My Facebook.  This blog.  Have all become extremely important to me since leaping out West.  Even more important since embarking on this whole find my husband by August, cry in yoga adventure.

Because this new way of being has forced me to put my big girl panties on, pick up my hula hoop, and kick some people out of my circle.  One in particular who is quite charming and fun and cute.  But who was taking up a lot of space and ultimately was not someone I needed to be hooping with long term.  

That's left my space fairly empty.  Empty at a time when it's cold, and dark, and I'm in a new place 3,000 miles away from the warmness of my family and friends.  Away from my come over drink a glass of wine and talk friends.  Away from my here you're tired and your hoop is heavy I'll help you keep it up friends.  Away from the fullness and connection I thrive on.

I mean I'm a southern girl.  Connection is deeply embedded in me.  I can make friends with a sign post.  Or very happily spend countless afternoons on porches, talking, and drinking tea (sweet and iced mind you).  But that doesn't really happen here.  What with all the snow, and freezing, and people not really into that whole sitting around thing.  Not to mention the fact that my job is basically little ole me in front of twelve computer screens talking to myself all day.  Or that locals tend to be weary of newcomers.  Or that my lack of prowess on the slopes leaves me picked last on powder days.

If I let my mind get the better of me the weight of all that isolation comes crashing down on top of me and I start to not shower, or brush my teeth, or leave the house for days on end.  And I go back to that I'm going to die alone with cats place.  And that my friends is just crazy.  I don't even like cats.  And according to that book I won't be alone.

But I forget this.  Because while I theoretically understand that this space is good.  That it creates opening for new things to come in.  At times it's severely lonely and it overwhelms me.

So, yes.  Yes, I'd save my phone.  Because it's my lifeline right now.  It connects me.  Allows me to feel like I have help when otherwise I'm isolated and lonely.  When otherwise I'm hooping all by myself.  

And that connection gives me the strength to keep my hoop up.  To hold the space I've created.  To not get lazy and just let anyone in to fill the void.  Because I have you.  And you do such a wonderful job of supporting me.  Of helping me feel full.

So thank you, thank you, thank you.  You have no idea how much you mean to me.  How much you help me everyday.  How lighter you make my hoop.

I love you dearly and am so blessed to have you.

XO,

Sara

PS- Pandora thought it appropriate to play this song at the exact moment I sat down to write this post.  Maybe you need to hear it too.