First Things First

It's no surprise that I'm pretty flexible.  Not just in my body, but in my relationships.  I'm the girl who, in the past, has contorted herself into all sorts of positions in order to keep relationships.  I beat the dead horse.  Say what the other person needs to hear.  And solider on even though I should have long ago waved the white flag of surrender.  I do this until I'm so tired of it I wake up in the middle of the night and announce, without warning, "Get out.  I can't anymore."  Then I find a new way of bending.

I do this on my yoga mat by bypassing muscle energy.  I don't tuck my tailbone strongly enough.  Don't puff my kidneys.  Don't hug in.  I flow, and slither, and fall into poses.  Then I come out and wonder why my low back is tweaky.  Why my neck and shoulders ache.

I'm not engaging my core.  Not connecting with that which supports us all.  I'm, Sara, and I do Cheat-asana.  That's right I cheat on my mat.  Which means I'm cheating off my mat too.

I'm not having the hard conversations I should.  Not making the tough choices.  Not really opening my heart but just pretending to.

I see it in how easily I become the person my customers want me to be at The Wardrobe.  One minute I'm saying those are fantastic shoes and the next I'm claiming I'd never be caught dead in them. 

I see it in agreeing to do things I'd rather not.  Then cursing under my breath the whole time while smiling and laughing outwardly.

I see it in not standing firm in my intentions.

I see it in my weak flabby abs.

So as much as I want to pull my shoulder blades on my back and melt my heart, if there's nothing there to support that opening then chances are it isn't going to happen.  You have to have a firm foundation to support you before you can truly open.  Before you can kick into handstand and hold Bakasana.  Before you can say, "I'm sorry but I don't really want to do that with you."

My, first thing first, is engaging.  Firing it up.  Saying what needs to be said even when it's hard.  Working the heck out of my abs and getting stronger so I can fully unfold my heart.

What is it that you need to do first?


1 comment: