2+2 Could Equal 5

I grew up with one fairly overachieving, perfectionist parent. And the other one beat into me that I was to make straight A's so much I'd have a panic attack when my test score said 99 instead of 100. So, being attached to the outcome, the fruits of my labor if you will, is something that has been ingrained into my very being.

A+B=C, and you better darn well care about C because C could get you 6 weeks worth of no telephone (can you tell I'm still traumatized? I love you dad!). However, most religious and spiritual practices teach you not to be so concerned with the results. With stuff. With attachment. To be in the world not of the world.

And yes sometimes being concerned with how things turn out is necessary. I'm not at all advocating that we just go around doing what we want without thinking about the consequences. That's chaos and anarchy and how people get shot. But what I am saying is we shouldn't be so worried about it. It shouldn't consume us. Or prevent us from doing what is right and necessary.

I know for me, at least, I can be so wrapped up in the long term thinking. The results of what may or may not happen if I do or don't do something I miss the moment. I let it affect me in such a way that I'm not doing what I should. Not opening myself to possibility because my mind's already worked out what it thinks C is going to be.

Several things have happened in my personal life recently that have forced me to let go of the what ifs. What if I let you into my life again and you break my heart? What if I say this and you don't like it? What if I spend all this time with you and we don't get married and have 2.5 children and a white picket fence and a dog?

What if I over analyze this situation so much I miss a great opportunity? What if in my desperate need to control I guide my life instead of letting Grace?

A+B doesn't always equal the C you think it will. So stop your worrying and just do it already. And if you get 6 weeks worth of detention who cares? You'll survive. I did (although just barely).

So much love,

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